Trick-or-Treating at a Republican's House

CEO's guide to commercial air travel

A clever series of commercials by JetBlue.

Hat tip to Triple Pundit.

Correlation, causation illustrated

link

Daft Hands

Dear Onion, please resubmit

Eight years ago, the Onion ran what it thought was a satirical headline:

 

Today, I'd like to ask them to re-run the article with President Obama.  This time we may actually get a laugh. 

For cat owners

more animals

Curmudgeon one-upmanship

As seen on Slashdot today:

No toys here. Christmas was watching commercials and then kids at school brag about their presents. I had this one rather long branch, though, that I found incredibly straight. It was a sword, a rifle, a baseball bat, and so many other things. I would look forward to playing with my stick and using my ingenuity to find further roles for it to play.
Then, one day, I came home from school to find that my dad had refrained from getting high/drunk that day and cleaned up the back yard. I couldn't find my stick until I went to the dumpster and found that he had snapped it in four so it could fit easier into a trash bag.

A stick? Luxury.

We had to make jump rope from our own eyebrows. The only way to play hop scotch was to break our own leg, then trace the court on the ground with our protruding bone. When our dad came home and found out we broke our own legs and marked up the drive way, he used to drag us through a cactus patch with our own jump rope tied round our necks.

Palin Hatchet Job

It's about as nice as slamming community organizing.  But I think it's damn funny.

What do you call...

Seen on Slashdot:

What do you call a hockey mom who preaches abstinence only?

A grandma

The Truth about Barack

From Slate, hat tip to Shadoweyes:

Here are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.

Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.

Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.

A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.

Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.

Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.

Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.

A phrase I hope to hear more

I had a slim hope I may have thought of it first, but according to Google, I'm only second.

"We're on more tangents than a high school geometry class."

Your favorite Atari 2600 games

I don't think I can do it justice. Just check it out.

Gun taken from Charlton Heston's cold, dead hands

Beverly Hills, CA - No more than a few moments after the famous actor expelled his last breath on Sunday, gun rights activists stormed his California home and violated his deathbed to snatch Mr Heston's gun. The move surprised police, though Mr Heston had long been a target of such activists as a leader of the National Rifle Association. Investigators think it may have been this statement that incited the activists and led them to pry Mr Heston's rapidly cooling digits to obtain the colonial musket:

If you liked [Polish joke], you may also like...

Slashdot has the story today on UC Berkeley's joke recommender, called Jester. I was curious (and it's lunch time), so I gave it a shot. You get 8 filter jokes to rate before the system starts feeding you jokes tailored to your tastes. I'd say it works pretty well. Here's two of my favorites:

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures--the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

------

Don't read this if you prefer to keep your Disney characters pure.

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

Dangerous distraction: 5 Minute Voyager

The danger in reading nerd-related news is that they provide links to nerdy websites. Such is 5-Minute Voyager, a website where a couple guys write 5-minute dialogue for movies, video games, TV shows, and other pop culture schlock.

It shouldn't be, but it's definitely worth 5 minutes. I highly recommend the Fellowship of the Ring summary, as well as reading the Doom videogame dialogue (after skimming at least one other videogame post).

Note: This is unrelated to, but similar to, the Very Secret Diaries of the fellowship of the ring. Highly recommended.

The Best/Worst Commercial Ever Made

From the I-needed-a-break-at-work dept...

Digg calls it the Best Commercial Ever, YouTube calls it the Worst. Only you can decide if it truly is just like a mini-mall...(sorry, I just can't embed this video on my blog. I just can't).


Warning: if you are susceptible to getting ridiculous songs stuck in your head, you will be repeating these lyrics for a week.

Star Wars: A New, Very Short, Hope

If you need that quick taste of nostalgia, try the 5-second Star Wars fix:

Stranger Than Fiction

Not only do I rarely make it to a movie in theaters, but I also rarely feel motivated to review the movie I see. Movies are movies, with a few exceptions such as Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Office Space. This weekend I saw another film that might make the exceptions list - and quite unexpectedly.

When a movie has Will Ferrell in it, I generally expect that I will find it amusing, but that the humor will not be as amusing to my movie-viewing partner (K, a.k.a. Wife). Stranger Than Fiction showed some promise, though, with Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman providing some color. We left for the theater on Saturday with some hope of entertainment.

It was great. The movie was clever, Will Ferrell played his part perfectly with just enough of his trademark outer-inner monologue. Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson were hilarious, each perfectly capturing the essence of their roles as university professor and writer's-blocked author. The story of a boring IRS auditor suddenly narrated into a novel was a neat idea and well-executed. I laughed out loud at least a dozen times and left feeling like I had easily gotten my money's worth (which would have been true even if I'd paid more than $3.

Anyway, there's not a movie I saw in all of 2006 that I can recommend more than Stranger Than Fiction

I laughed for 10 minutes straight

The latest Slashdot poll begins "I write with..." and offers some common responses (pen, pencil, marker). As usual, the user comments add some additional "missing options":

• Pilot G-2 pens
• Fischer Space Pen
  
• manly appendage
• "I write with a lithp, you inthenthitive clod!"

But the winner managed at least three levels of humor, which collided for a good 10 minute belly laugh:

Conclusion: I am a geek

Otherwise, I would never find the girls of the NES entertaining. But I laughed...out load.

UPDATE at 4:52pm: The hilarity mentioned above is just the tip of the iceberg. Sydlexia also discusses the brilliance of McDonald's Halloween pails, pans SNES Super Punch Out, and reviews the 100 top NES games of all time (the deepest dip in the well I've ever seen).